Wuby has been upset by the thought of death since my great grandmother Margie passed away a few months ago. We talked through the uncomfortable topic many, many, many times to a point that would beyond satisfy most 5 year olds. She keeps bringing it up and I didn't understand why until today on the way home from taking the boys to school. Wuby got very upset suddenly and said, " Mommy, why do we have to die! I don't want to live with Jesus forever!" There....Forever.... was the root of her discomfort. There....another home....that was the root of her issues with death....she was afraid that she would have to leave our home to live with another family and the thought scared her....more than dying itself, perhaps.
Two incidents I think brought her underlying worries to a head. A few weeks ago when i was picking Wuby up from preschool her teacher told me that she had jokingly said to the kids that they would come home to live with her and Wubitu told her, "No! my mommy will come for me." When I arrived she told the preschool teacher, "See, I told you she would come." But I think that incident still shook her a bit....made her question if her place in our home was permanent; and why wouldn't she question it? We were at least her 3rd home in 3 years....in each situation she was loved dearly. What makes this situation any different?
The second situation is that we have been talking about moving for a few months now...talking about what comes with us (beds, furniture) and what things stay (doors, floor, etc). On Sunday the sign went in the yard and the move became more real to her. In her 5 year old perspective what makes the difference between her previous homes and ours other than wealth?
With every move in her life the new home came with a new set of people who were to care for her. In her mind perhaps maybe this move would mean new "parents' too?
All I had to offer were assurances and hugs. I assured her that we are her FOREVER family and we would be with her FOREVER, and she would NEVER have to leave us to live with another family. I held back the tears as I got to look into her life window a bit, she has lost so much in her short life. While we are so overwhelmingly happy to be her Forever family, so much pain comes with her story (like all adoptions....). We hope that we can help heal the wounds or at least be there to apply the bandages and some tender love and care as she finds her own road to healing.