Sefan is a deep thinker sometimes.
This week while we were driving the boys to school she suddenly burst into sobs and said, "Mommy, you no love me, you only love Wubitu, Carter and Noah" I was flabbergasted.....I told her "I do most certainly love you! Why do you think that?" She said "YOU go getcha Wubitu first.......why you not go getcha me first? You no love me".
I tried to assure her that I DO love her! That I didn't know that she needed me yet and that she wasn't ready to come to America yet. I tried to tell her that she needed to spend some more time with her birthfamily and friends before she came home. To which she said, "****(one of her friend's names...a bloggy friend of mine's child)*** no share her ball with me....I want mommy".
I told her I was sorry and that I wish I could have come earlier and that I cried every day for her to come home. This seemed to appease her. Later in the week I heard the girls pretend to be me and say "Sefan, Sefan, I need you, come home to me in America" and they would run together.
I am sure that this is only the beginning of the tough questions as Sefan learns more English. Honestly I grieve those 18 months that we missed with Sefan that I had with Wubitu. It is so hard to make up lost time. Though I don't question God's hand in the order that our kids came home or the time between our 2 adoptions. I know that I needed more time with Wubitu to establish our relationship because our personalities clashed a lot at first and it took a long time for us both to adjust and bond. It was a tough 18 months of stretching and growing and learning to love each other. With Sefan our relationship did not require as much adjusting. We melded together quite quickly and have a stong, deep bond and a great relationship at only 3 months home. The order of our adoptions worked out perfectly....but to explain that to a 5 year old is difficult....it is still painful to know that we missed so much of her life....painful for both her and us.