I just wanted to update everyone on how bonding/attachment are going with Wubitu. Since taking a break 2 weeks ago from working I feel like my mommy switch just flicked on. Before I liked being around Wubitu for the most part but she is so demanding at times that I was thankful to have as much time away from her as possible which made her more clingy. I think a lot of the issues had to do with me learning to parent differently. Noah & Carter are very independant children at 4 & 7 and enjoy playing together or on thier own. Wubitu is very hands on and need a lot of one on one attention. Part of this stems from the fact that she simply does not find any interest in playing with toys or watching TV. In American culture this is almost unheard of because we tend to focus from birth on "things" toys, tv, etc. In Ethiopia, for the first 2 1/2 years of her life Wubitu did not have toys...period and instead entertained herself by talking and singing with people. This difference has really made me rexamine my priorites in parenting. Finding a balance is hard. We do limit screen time with the boys and encourage imaginative play which they gladly engage in. I wrestle with whether it is okay to try and get Wubitu to watch 20 minutes of Dora so I can have a few minutes to myself. I have created tasks for Wubitu to do along side me as I clean up...she sorts the clean silverwear and helps sort the laundry. She is a great helper and the pride in her accomplishments has really shown.
The last 2 weeks have been great as I have had time to just sit and have the face to face interaction that Wubitu needs right now. Trying to sort out which issues are normal 3 year old issues from adoption issues, and close in age sibling issues takes a lot of mental energy. Taking the time to sort through some of these things is a full time pyschologists job in itself. However I have noticed that her direct disobediance and negative behaviors for attention have deminished significantly (coloring on the couch because I am trying to type something up for work). I feel like her attachment has become much stronger and I really really enjoy spending ALOT of time with her. Some nights I feel like I didn't get enough snuggles in and try to make up for it the next day.
I feel like I was completely prepared for Wubitu not liking us when she came home and her attachment issues but completely unperared for my own issues of attaching to her. She was ready and willing to attach but I was very resistant. It is kind of like when people tell you that it is okay if you don't fall in love with your newborn infant right way it takes time for the love to grow. It all sounds a little funny since we waited so long for her to come but the realities of her actually being here really hit me like a ton of bricks and held me down in the water for almost 3 months. I was going through the motions of caring for her and trying to keep myself afloat but she has really won my heart in the last 2 weeks...not because of something she did but because I finally opened my heart to let her in by opening my schedule and life and laying down all the unessecary extras in my schedule.
Most of the time I feel like people do not even come close to understanding but I am very thankful for Juile's blog. It reminds me so much of how life was been the last few months...joy but often extrememly overwhelming changes that are not always the most comfortable. Everyday gets better and better though and my love for Wubitu grows and grows.