My birthday isn't for a little while (September 5th) 60 days actually, but I am a bit distressed as I will be turning 27 which is officially late 20's. I have heckled my husband for quite some time about being old since he is unmistakably in his late 20's. Now as I enter into this new stage in my life, I will not go quietly. In have a few demands to make this year go well.

First, I am asking that everyone (woman only please) comment on how small my heiney is looking lately even if it has grown substantially due to the influx of chocolate to console my ailing aging heart.

Second, I would like some pointers on how to strut on my left leg. I have quite a good gangster strut on the right side but it looks like I am and trying to samba when I try it on the left. These are important things to know and I don't want to die or break a hip before I perfect my strut bilaterally.

Finally, I would love it if everyone would speak to me with a British or Australian accent. My husband has agreed to do this for the entire year. I explained to him that his Midwestern inflection is the only thing keeping him back from being the "perfect husband." Being the awesome husband he is, he agreed to help me make it through the rough year ahead by going Aussie & Brit interchangeably.

Thank you for making it to the end of my fudgecicle sugar rush, I apologize for any coo coo ness that you may have read.